Template:RecentUnNews

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One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

• Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
• Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
• Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
• The US government continues to shit itself
• Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
• BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
• Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
• Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
• Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
• Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
• Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
• Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
• NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • Ace Frehley

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefs • Capitalism in NYC • 2025 Major League Baseball season